7 Things I’m Not Thankful For This Thanksgiving

Dear JAMMers,

It’s Thanksgiving which means it’s time to give thanks for the wonderful things we have in our lives. Don’t get me wrong - I recognize that I have plenty to be thankful for. But what about the stuff that doesn’t deserve my gratitude? I shouldn’t be silenced.

Here are 7 things I’m not thankful for:

1. Male Instacart Shoppers: I know they mean well, but there’s no way that the best replacement for a container of garlic powder was a container of Lysol wipes. And please, please, please learn how to pick fresh produce. If you wouldn’t eat it, why would I?

2. Apple Pie: I know this is incredibly controversial and unamerican. But baked fruit is just not for me and I don’t enjoy having to remind people about this every holiday season. I’m sorry. I didn’t choose this.

3. LinkedIn: As someone who has been struggling to find a full-time job, I can confidently say LinkedIn is my least favorite place to be on this planet. 

4. My Phone’s Battery Life: It feels like no matter how much I charge my phone, it’s constantly under 20%. If my own energy is below 20%, my phone can’t be too. Maybe it’s because of all the questions I get from the male Instacart shopper…

5. My Eyesight: I wish when I opened my eyes in the morning I could just…see. But if I don’t immediately put my glasses on, I can barely make it to the bathroom without walking into a wall.

6. Samsung Users: I’m sorry, but there’s nothing more off-putting than texting someone and green bubbles appear. Why are you trying so hard to be different? What are you hiding?

7. The Cost of Concert Tickets: Unless the ghost of Whitney Houston is making an appearance on stage, there is no reason that every concert has to be over $100. (Except for Taylor Swift…I’ll pay anything for Taylor Swift.) 

Ah, it felt good to get that off my chest. You should try it. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving!

Everything’s fine,

Nicole