Dear JAMMers,
A guitar strums.
The unexpectedly over-the-top roar of the crowd.
At the 2024 Grammy’s, Luke Combs collaborated with Tracy Chapman to strip down “Fast Car.” The 1988 folk anthem had massive global stars like Taylor Swift and Jelly Roll singing along like they're in their car. A magical moment for music.
It would become a defining moment for me.
I grew up in a household that was full of music. My mom adores Motown, R&B and Disco. My father plays the piano and guitar daily. So at first, I figured my full-body goosebumps were just from the astoundingly haunting performance of this classic song.
By the time the second verse unfolded, I realized it wasn’t just due to Tracy’s soulful, cool tone and Luke’s talent.
It was the pure emotions they both were experiencing.
To me, Tracy was shining with gratitude - almost like she was shocked that the crowd knows and loves her song. (There is a whole other feminism angle here that I love: the example Luke sets by empowering and shining a spotlight on a woman of color...the creator of the song that would help grow his career.)
Luke's expression was one of humbleness and genuine, unbridled joy.
It was like being struck by lightning (I assume). It was the physical display of two people being present in a moment that confirmed they both were correct to follow their hearts without looking back. They were meant to have this moment.
I, in this moment, February 2024, just returned to work after maternity leave with my first child. Big tech is shiny and lucrative, and - for a time - served me really well. The job is ultra demanding though (understandably). Due to a temporary thyroid condition, my postpartum hormones were swirling more than the average amount. I just could not bring myself to be out of my home - away from my child - for 12+ hours per day. The workload often was so much that I had to work Sundays, just to be above water on Monday.
As an aside - these are my feelings and the path I chose. All caretakers can and should choose the life they want for themselves. For me, being a mother was my number one dream since I had my first baby doll. Over time, I also made career goals. Through an insane amount of hard work, intense networking, and luck, I made nearly all of them come true by age 35. I worked a fashion show at fashion week, I helped small businesses grow, and I landed a coveted big tech job and benefits package.
"I, I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone." I kept rewinding Tracy and Luke’s performance and zooming in on the look on Luke’s face. It was like a child on Christmas morning. I thought to myself, outside of being with my family - I don’t have any part of my day that feels like that. A split moment of joy and gratitude for how I am spending my time and what I am prioritizing.
My life didn’t feel like mine. I was so entrenched in the New York City rat race that I felt like I was constantly the one drowning to lift up someone’s boat.
So I quit. (Read more about that journey in my reflection on the summer of 2024)
So how do I feel one year later?
I re-watched the performance today and still get full-body goosebumps. My eyes still fill with tears. But now, I get to view their joy as a peer. I get to feel that way multiple times a day.
No things are not perfect. I would have loved to do my previous job but only 3 days a week. But that option does not exist - yet.
As a second aside, I'm trying to contribute to a solution. I work to create my own options. I am doing freelance projects for small businesses that make an impact. I am still exploring how I can meet the right people who hold positions of power to start a movement. Because I am a type A overthinker, I also know that once my kids are grown, my parents may need my help. Caretakers deserve a rightful place in a part-time, white-collar setting. If you have any ideas - please let me know in the comments : )
The overall win is that my time is mine. I wake up in the morning and decide how I am going to spend the day. My family's health and well-being are the center point. I decide how to split between work and home.
I have a massive support system and solid savings to have this “gap year” as I am calling it. I do not regret one moment of it, even when it is not perfect.
So what am I trying to tell you on this Monday? If something moves you, truly moves your soul - let it.
No worries,
Jaclyn
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