Millennials are known as the gentle parents, but will they ever be known as grandparents?

Dear JAMMers,

Ok, as far as epiphanies go, this is a big one (for me).

Maybe I am wrong.

Maybe I am right.

I hope to be wrong.

Growing up in the '90s with Baby Boomer parents and Depression-era grandparents, I was fortunate to have "bonus parents" in my grandpa and grandma. If I was sick, they could pick me up from school if my parents were stuck somewhere. When I graduated and looked out into the crowd, their faces were there—alongside my parents.

Some of my best memories include my grandparents.

My grandpa helped coach many of his twelve grandchildren's sports teams. (I wrote more about him in a Summer Olympics-themed entry this summer)

My grandma held craft days regularly for her six granddaughters.

Fast forward to modern society -

• Most households require two parents to work

• Many millennials went to undergraduate and graduate level schooling. This delayed getting married and starting families for some

• In general, most often in urban cities, it is very common to not get married before your 30's

• Some people may not start having children until their late 30's

• For a bundle of reasons (birth control, student debt, climate change, etc.) people are having less kids on average

These evolutions in society can bring many benefits, but at some point, it may pose challenges.

Let me explain. One day I was trying to fall asleep and for some reason - was picturing my son getting married (btw, he is only 1 years old). What would he look like? What type of person would he choose to share his life with? Would he want children?

Well, then my whole damn brain unraveled.

I met my husband at age 29, we had our first child at 34 and 35 years old.

In New York City, most people don't bat an eye at this timeline.

I would not change a thing about my path to finding my husband and building my family. I genuinely cannot fathom that my mother had a house and three children to manage all before she turned 30.

What if my son waits until mid-30's or even longer to get married and start a family?

I may not have the opportunity to be a grandparent before the age of 70.

God willing, I make it to 70 and beyond, that is just far less time/opportunity for grandparenthood than I ever envisioned.

The current US average life expectancy is about 77 years old. It has improved since we were kids.

But my grandparents became grandparents while they were still in their 50's - what a gift to them, their children and their grandchildren. Only time will tell, but it is very well possible in many regions of the country - millennials will have 10-15 years less opportunity to be grandparents.

No one seems to be talking about this.

Am I the only one with over-thinking patterns around loss and dying? No other PTSD girlies in the house?

Millennials are studying parenting, going to therapy, and really taking ownership of emotional intelligence and self care. We do so at a higher rate than ouir parents. We are SUPERB candidates for grandparenthood. But the math may not math.

I want my time to be the spirited grandmas from Mulan or Moana.

I want to learn to crochet family blankets when people are pregnant.

I want to think of a weird new name to be called instead of Grandma.

What impact would less years with grandparents have on the next generation? You can learn so much about your family's culture, traditions, different eras in American history and more from the elders in your family. If you are thinking about making a big life choice - choosing a school, choosing a major, considering changing jobs, exploring new towns to move to, etc. your best bet is to ask someone 1-2 generations older than you. They have seen a whole lot and they have had time to reflect on it.

Now as my therapist gets paid to remind me - I should focus more on what I can control. So let's do that -

A core pillar of my own upbringing is even more important to pass down -

You actively build and nourish your community. Find the chosen family within your family and friends. Your aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, neighbors, etc., will likely have more time with you than your parents and grandparents. Teaching your children to build their chosen family - with diverse generations represented - who fill their cups and unconditionally love them is critical.

I think this is my new Roman empire.

No worries,

Jaclyn