Move over Dads & Grads, this mom graduated to a post-COVID reality

Dear JAMMers,

March 1st is my younger sister’s birthday.  March 1st has always been one of my favorite days of the year for this reason…it should truly be declared a global holiday because one of the most talented, kind-hearted humans was born. 

March 2nd, however, can go eff itself.  

Why, you ask?  This is when NYC began planning to shut down for “2 weeks” due to COVID-19 in 2020 (massive Liz Lemon-esque eye roll implied with the quotation marks, did that jump off the page?).  Life is now described as before COVID and after COVID.

For some reason, March 2, 2024 hits me like a ton of bricks.  4 years since that spring - I am ruminating on the number 4. COVID could’ve earned a high school or bachelor’s degree. It could’ve completed a presidential term.  My favorite Beyonce album? 4. The number of studio album release announcements by Taylor Swift? 4, if you include that Tortured Poets Department was announced before March 2nd and exclude the re-records. I am definitely pro TTPD (House Bunny stans?)

But I digress. I could write thousands of words over decades and still struggle to encapsulate what life brought to me and my family since March 2, 2020.  That would have a lot of negativity though; to create a more positive reflection, I started to think about 4 things I learned over the last 4 years.

1. If you don’t have your health and your family’s health, you have nothing. No explanation or pithy anecdote necessary.
   

2. Be the timekeeper.

How you spend your time should be a conscious, thoughtful choice that you own. And it can be a delicate dance between not over-scheduling, recognizing opportunities to be   spontaneous, and not feeling guilty about rest/couch rot.

I spent 13 years at incredibly demanding corporate firms during my career. Once I got deeper into my tenure, I started to struggle to “waste” a Saturday on the couch without feeling tremendous anxiety and/or guilt about it.  Now I know, you physically cannot function if you do not rest. No permission necessary.  

Training my mind to not only rest but to celebrate is a difficult task. After being forced to mold into the fibers of my couch for roughly 6-8 weeks during the true “lockdown” before warmer weather, availability of masks, and expansion of testing sites, I learned a few things. My friendships were intact, I did not lose my job, and no one was mad at me. All was achieved without double booking myself all week or doing the opposite - blocking out everyone for the weekend and feeling like an asshole for it.

3. In your career, deliver your best intentional effort, do what is expected of you, but do not burn yourself out.

Your own health or your immediate family’s health can change on a dime - requiring 100% of you and your brainpower.  No this is not encouraging quiet quitting; this is a rally cry for millennial women to be okay with a NORMAL amount of effort.  Do your absolute damn best without running yourself into the ground.

When a family event does not have 5 trays of leftovers, my sisters and I look at each other and say, “This was a normal amount of food. This was correct.” During a time when lack of job security was at a career high, I did not take my own advice and burned out 1-2 times per year due to work.  Life taught me that you may end up burning out in your personal life, so you can’t have your work life drain extra energy.  Serve the normal amount of food.

4. Flexing ain’t just for your dating app profile.  I used to live by the motto "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." While I still have lists to organize my to-do lists, I amended my motto: If you fail to be flexible and accept that life likely will interrupt your plans, you won’t enjoy life as much.   

I found my family turned upside with unimaginable grief twice within 11 months. 

January 2022, 4 months before my wedding, I lost my aunt. She was my second mother who was gone in what was both a wildly fast and excruciatingly slow 2 week battle with COVID-19. 

December 2023, my husband’s family had a shock wave that can only be described as seismic; the patriarch was unexpectedly diagnosed with end stage cancer...2 days before Christmas. I was 3 months pregnant with his first grandchild. The grandchild was to be named after him.  

We lost my father-in-law in April 2023.

Both wounds are still too deep to describe.

Wipes tears, back to the lesson. 

My comfortable mindset used to be, “After this trauma, everything will be better.” However, I learned over these last several years that we have to dance in the rain sometimes.  My family worked to find the small moments of beauty through a tumultuous 11 months.  

I pray this pandemic was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.  There is so much loss, pain and ripple effects that myself and everyone will feel for the rest of their lives.  I write this with a mixture of levity and density as a means of catharsis for me, but also for you.  

Can one teeny-tiny sliver of learning come from such a tragic part of our history? 

Let’s take care of ourselves and our family above all.

No worries, Jaclyn

[Disclaimer: This is a story about a time in my life. I had medical advice, a wonderful therapist, and a robust support system around me.  What I had ownership and control over was my mindset of accepting as best as I could.]